You remember your first love because they show you, 

prove to you, that you can love and be loved, 

that nothing in this world is deserved except for love, 

that love is both how you become a person, and why.

-John Green-Turtles All the Way Down

I cried myself to sleep last night, a shallow night full of my own thoughts. As I woke this morning to a lonesome "goodnight," "I love you," I sent back to him a plea for answers, and as I cried myself awake, I took into consideration that this may be the end. I will grieve, and I will cry for however long, my heart eternally heavy for the love of what once was. I wonder if he is still sleeping or if he truly is ignoring my ever worrying pressence. I wonder what if this is all a misunderstanding, if he answers and urges me to forgive, will I? If the pain of losing someone is so much worse than the pain of watching my reflection lose itself, to whom must I commend when everything comes to an end? Why must this grief flow through my veins as if to infect me with its wrath? If this is truly the end--what now?

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